6:20 pm - February 05, 2007
Kyle
I hate knowing that you wanted to hurt me. I hate that it's Monday and we're not together watching Heroes. I hate that you're my best friend and all I want is for you to hold me and make it better. I hate that I can't do this anymore, can't see you anymore, because you're killing me. I'm depressed all the time trying to figure out how I'm screwing up so badly that you think I don't really love you and don't support you.
I wanted to fight for you, to prove that I'll always be there, that I'll never let you down. I know that you've been afraid that I'll leave you for somebody else. I wanted you to Know that would never happen, there isn't anybody else for me. But I just can't do this anymore, be this joke, this mockery of a relationship. I hate that you don't like me, and when you're telling me what's wrong with me, I start to doubt myself. I hate the regrets I have, looking back, thinking, if only I wouldn't have talked to this person or hugged that person, things would be okay now.
I hate that I've been so stressed out about this that I've thrown up every day for the last two weeks. I hate that you won't give up the idea that I'm secretly trying to fuck your roommate. Hell, I hate the idea that you think I'm so weak that I'm going to toss up my skirts for anyone that talks to me when I'm out.
I am so angry at you. And I know how unhappy you are and it cuts through me like a chainsaw. I don't want you to be hurt, or unhappy. I want you to feel how many people love you and care about you. I want you to stop being afraid and try something with your life. I want you to love yourself.
And I wish so badly that you loved me back.
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