1:54 pm - December 24, 2005
Humbug!
Okay, sorry about the negativity in the last entry. I can't stand the emotional turbulence that swirls around my family's christmas. It makes me edgy.
Brother Bear came home after one night away. Everything seems to have picked up from before, as if the terrible screaming match had never happened. These people are exhausting. But I go home on the 28th, so just pray I can make it. Finding my youngest brother's bottle of emergency vodka has helped, though.
Heh. You should've seen the look on my dad's face when he took a sip of my "juice" the other night...Priceless. Prolly didn't help that I hadn't stirred it yet, so all the vodka was floating on the top. Hee. Heehee. Only bad part is he's been making rather pointed comments about "people who hit the booze".
Bah.
It's either that or run around screaming, tearing my hair out. I'm just here to be beautiful and charming and pleasant; if they wanted genuine, they shouldn't trot me out like a prize heifer at church and town events.
This place just makes me so sad. Sad to see the amazing potential of my family. Seeing the emotional child my father is, someone whom you coddle and pat on the head to avoid temper tantrums--watching brother Bear get colder and more withdrawn--the desperate tone in my mother's voice becoming more pronounced--
This is my family and I love them. Experiencing their pain, anger and disappointment first hand causes the most immense waves of grief, it's hard not to drown. So this is what I do. I drink my juice, I have the occasional night at the village pub. But I'm here and I'm supportive and I participate in whatever they ask of me. I try to make them feel loved and I fight to love them.
So, from my heart to yours: blessings, good will and love as we near the ending of the year. May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future, and may the world treat you as kindly as you treat it. Cheers!
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