10:53 pm - August 30, 2004
More posessed toys!
Schizeh. I just erased 15 minutes of entry.
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Okay. I'll recap. I found this entry earlier today while I was wasting time not doing my Medical Terminology homework. It amused me. I think it'll prolly tickle whatever place you keep your funny in.
http://ratherbored.diaryland.com/040824_29.html
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Last night I dreamt that I made guacamole from scratch. I've never done that before, being resistant to change and preferring the awful fake high-sodium packets they sell next to the avacados. I know, I know. I'm lazy. But in this dream I was squeezing fresh limes and chopping cilantro like a pro. Now here's the question: How did I know to put lime and cilantro in my guacamole? Stew on that for a little, heh.
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Jeckyl and Hyde are pretty evenly matched right now, allowing me a sort of peace. It feels weird. I wonder if perhaps I'm schitzo. On one hand, I'm feeling a little lonely. I'd like to talk to someone about how I'm scared of school and that degree, because what happens next? And I'm a little concerned about the way I freeze and shut down when I get scared and then proceed to do nothing. Not even read. On the other hand, I really don't feel like being around people. I'd really like to talk to Wil, but I've apparently done something (I'm almost certain this has nothing to do with a blackout, this is something else) and he's still not answering phone calls on his cel or returning emails.
Which, of course is frustrating because, well, wouldn't it suck liposuction fat through a straw if you found someone you thought you could actually count on, no matter what, and then they bailed on you?
I like to think I'm a pretty good mix of optimism and pessimism. I understand the inevitable fact that people leave. I have learned to appreciate the joy of the moments we have had together, and not mourn the ending.
But there's still that little quiet voice that says: "Isn't it a little pathetic that you are so firmly convinced that everyone will eventually leave that sometimes you do stupid shit to hurry them along?"
Heh. More self-analysis. Sorry 'bout that.
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My dog is really cute when he snores. And he has a tendency to try to shake hands in his sleep. Occasionaly I'll hold his paw and shake it a little when he whimpers from whatever bad dreams dogs experience. It seems to calm him down.
***
Although I'm still an Ani D. virgin, I think I've just rounded first base. I purchased my first cd today. Woo woo! Maybe that just makes me an Ani tease. Hm. Things to think on.
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