12:03 am - August 20, 2004
Life in the Convent
I paid for school today, nearly a thousand dollars for 1/3 of fall semester. I get to pay them this amount next month and again the following month. I paid for a $200 parking permit today. I found out that my books will cost $960 and nearly passed out. But I bought half of them anyway. I want to cry.
But I also bought really cool post-it tabs for $3. And my mom bought me lunch at Cafe de Paris and I had quite possibly the best french onion soup ever. And last night Brien-the-world-traveler bought me a beer and gave me a foot rub and I almost won a game of pool. It was really close, honest.
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It's been said that I look happier lately. Hmm. I'm not sure about this. I don't feel any different than I have for the last few months. I suppose I've reached a point where I am so tired of a particular name popping into my head everytime I see something beautiful or feel sad, read a good book or hear a piece of music. (Random: have you ever noticed that 99% of music, all music is either directly or indirectly about love? I'm thinking of adding rap to my repertoire just so I can get some music about the bling.)
Perhaps it doesn't need to be said, but I'll toss this out there anyway; I cherish no illusions about any sort of future with that particular person, this is a mental block that I'm struggling with, not in any way related to an actual physical human being. I have created in my own mind this paragon of everything, built it into everything I've ever wanted and unfortunately, named it after someone real. Maybe it's just a self defense to keep me away from dating for a while, so I can focus on things more important. Like me. (I'm mostly joking with that last bit, but in a way it's true. I've a bunch of things to work on/through that make me unfit at the moment for partnering up.)
Although I sure do miss the sex sometimes.
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