1:30 am - July 30, 2004
Wil
It's been a while, since you fell of the face of the earth. My soul misses you like starvation with no memory of food. Reality shifts because there is no me without you, and me has been bumbling on for times untold with no twin. Please come back.
I can only exist for so long without my oxygen, my you, my reason for existance. I grow thin (though not in a nice, gaunt, model-y kind of way) Hah. I laugh, brittlely. I don't even think that's a word. And yet it is attempted. Because I am angry too. I feel bitter, I taste bitter. I needed you and you weren't there. My body made me a failure as a human and you weren't there. I failed. I coulden't love enough for two. My double failure haunts me, if I were only a better person,then... There is so much grief that I'm not allowed to feel. I hate not being strong enough to do this on my own, with no friends, no family, no one. But I hate even worse that that's how it is. Wil. I am so alone, and you are my twin, where are you?
I feel rain as though it's peeling my flesh from my bones, stripping me away to nothing, no wholeness, no me, no nothing. I am a great big stupid self-indulgent prat.
I am selfishness, you are going through such a time that I can't even imagine. There are so many things that you weren't done with, things that you needed to say and have responses to.
I am misery and don't understand. If you need time, you would've told me. If you needed me, you would've told me.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
***
Please come back.
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