1:28 am - July 04, 2004
Don't Read
If your name isn't Wil, Kris, Kara, Auriel, or Jen, you're not meant to be reading this. Please don't.
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So I had a miracle. That 1/100th happened.
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I took a positive test. Or three.
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And I lied to everyone. I said I was having "stomach trouble" and "migraines", which, I do get. But this wasn't one of those times. I've been throwing up for about the past two months. I'm such a nitwit that I thought I had food poisoning or some sort of allergy...Hahahahaha.
***
So it was real.
And I was going to have a baby.
But.
Last weekend. Perhaps my drinking and smoking were adverse. Perhaps fate intevened in the knowledge that there weren't two happy parents waiting for it. Perhaps it realized what a horrible mother I'd make. Perhaps that's a load of self-pitying buggery. Nonetheless.
I miscarried. Isn't it funny how quick those words pass? Shoooo! And there, they're gone. The experience wasn't quite the same. But bah.
I've only told one person. She asked me if I was happy or sad about it. How do I describe the way she would've affected my life? College would've been put away for quite a while. But I wonder if she(just a guess) would've had black hair or blonde. Or blue eyes or greenish-gold. She'd have to be smart as hell, given my natural arogance and her father's
Oh. I can't write anymore. I don;t want to talk about this anymore.
Please, If you love me, don't bring this up. I'm not ready. I just couldn't lie to you anymore.
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