10:40 pm - June 19, 2004
You used to have an orange bankie and cry on my shoulder.
Somehow, when I wasn't looking, my adorable, funny, sensitive little (hah, 6'2") brother turned into a complete jackass. Otherwise known as the emotional twin to my freakishly judgemental father. He's now advising me to get my sh!t together, from his lofty soapbox. And he's been explaining his gospel to me, that all women are either b!tches or sluts, incapable of rational thought and/or souls. I don't even want to know which category he's decided I fall under.
This sort of transformation was totally unexpected. Bear was always smarter than the average pickle, funny and witty and able to leap mid-sized buildings with the help of his sister and a nice ladder. He held such promise for being a really, truly, genuinely interesting adult. For years I bragged about how great my brothers are and how I would've chosen them to be my brothers, even if I had the whole wide world to audition. And now I get to look (mentally, since he's about 1700 miles away) at this horror who's stolen my sweet little boy and it hurts. He hates women. He may not even like people in general, as far as I can tell. There is a very narrow field that allows you to be a valuable human being, in his eyes. (Male, with a degree, several doctorates if possible, making tons of money and not ever, EVER depending on another human being.)
I think it might be my fault. I came out here 8 years ago and left him behind. There was no one to stand up for him and take my dad's tantrums. And now he's going to become my dad. He's going to drive his family and anyone who ever might've been his friend away from him, crawling deeper and deeper into his conviction that HE's right and everyone else is wrong.
He doesn't laugh anymore.
And he doesn't give hugs.
I never thought that as we'd grow older that we'd drift apart. It seemed completely impossible. Hell, I used to send both him and Dano pizza money when they first started college. Now I don't know how to get ahold of him unless he signs onto MSN.
*Fcuck*
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