12:00 p.m. - 2004-05-13
One Fine Day
You know the way little kids are prone to doing the strangest stuff without knowing why? Like, in the middle of the supermarket, just walking along, they stop and do a Calvin & Hobbes-vibrating-with-joy dance and then just keep walking... and you ask them later, why they did that, and they just give you that blank look, the one that I'm sure if it could be condensed, would say "Why are you asking such a stupid question? I just do things."
Unfortunately, this gets much less cute as a person gets older, say, in their mid-20s. Now, when you do things that get you into trouble and people want to know why you did them in the first place, all that childhood savoir faire is gone and You. Got. Nuttin'. I find myself occasionally pondering, Geez! What in sam-tarnation was I thinking to do that? And still, still.... I. Got. Nuttin'.
A few years ago, a friend of mine and I were talking about the diference between thinking of yourself as a woman and thinking of yourself as a girl. Sometimes, I'm blessed to feel like a zen guru, gifted with divine intimate knowledge of the world's secrets...but most of the time, sadly, I feel like a little kid, bumbling around trying to pretend to be a grown-up.
I've never really thought of myself as someone devoid of common sense. I'm not likely to use my hairdryer in the bathtub or operate my toaster oven while asleep (no joke. those are authentic warnings that came with my appliances.) But it occurs to me that I am someone who spends an extraordinary amount of time apologizing for doing stupid stuff.
*sigh*
Like today. Argh. It always seems like a good idea at the time...and I didn't think. Heck, I hate trying to figure out what other people might think of the things I do...Is one allowed to contact accidental aquaintences who happen to be best friends with ex-dear ones? Jes is horrified, Kris is awol, and Katie says he should be okay with it....Dunno.
*sigh*
So this is what glum feels like.
One thing is still constant, there's still far too many people in this world who aren't Eddie.
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